Realizations of a Mom Working Away From Home
Living and working away from your loved ones is hard. Maybe for some, they’ll say it’s easy or easier because of some perks like being able to do things on your own time whenever and whomever with, nobody censoring your every move and fewer responsibilities when it comes to household chores because you only have yourself to take care of.
But to be honest, living and working away from home is hard, especially if you have children. As they say, having kids changes one’s perspective when it comes to — everything!
GOING OUT OUR COMFORT ZONE
My partner and I decided to find work outside our province due to the lack of opportunity because of political hindrances. We were blessed enough that a family friend of his offered both of us a job with managerial positions. To make the long story short, we both grabbed the opportunity but that meant us living apart as well. He has to work in Davao and I had to work in Manila which means we live on different islands. But after eight (8) months, he decided to give up his job because of the distance. He said he felt like he was living abroad, away from the kids and I.
The distance also started tearing our relationship apart. Right now, we both are working in Manila but still not living with our kids. If you’re wondering, our kids are currently with my mom in the province of Abra who is taking care of them with my siblings.
GOING BACK TO WORK KEEPS GETTING HARDER
We do our best to go home as frequent as we can since Abra is an 8–10-hour bus-ride away from us. But no matter how frequent we see our children, the pain we all endure when it’s time for us to go back to Manila doesn’t get any easier. It actually gets harder, with the kids begging us and making us promise them not to leave again as soon as we arrive home.
As young as our daughters are (our eldest is turning 6 and youngest is 3), they are already aware of the hurt and pain of us not being with them most of the time.
They are so eager to spend time with us when we are home and they hardly ever leave our sides. It’s as if we all are cramming to do everything we can together in that few days that we are all under one roof.
The hardest part is having to prepare to go back to the place we work. Our children ask us every time they see us folding clothes if we are packing our things already.
We always hastily and secretly pack our things when they are somewhere in the house playing or when they are asleep. They have this uncanny sense of knowing when it’s time for us to leave again. They follow our every move, they are very moody and clingy and they do not want us to take a bath!
HEARTBREAKING GOODBYES
My most heartbreaking memory is my youngest scolding and begging me at the same time to change into my house clothes while watching me put on my travel clothes. She kept on saying, “Mama, change into shorts and sleeveless now. Do not change and go out it’s night time na (already). Do not go, mama. There are bad people out there mama. Please stay and sleep with me and manang (Ilocano word for elder sister) mama.” Our eldest is also crying at that time but not as loudly as her sister. She follows both I and her daddy asking when we will be back again or when could she and her sister come with us. It seems that with her young mind she understands that we have to leave again to secure a financially-stable future for the family.
There was an instance when we left for Manila early in the morning while our daughters were still both asleep. We didn’t say a word to them about us going back. Upon waking up and finding out we had gone, our eldest was really mad, ranting why we didn’t say goodbye to them. Our youngest was the calm one who understood why we had to leave them again.
THE REALITY
We (my partner and I) have prepared ourselves for moments like these or mostly think we have. We still put on our travel clothes while our daughters cry and follow our every move.
Part of us goes numb during these times. We have to be because we would give in to our children’s plead for us to stay home with them.
Giving in to the need to be together as a family would be easier and at the same time harder. Easier because we get to be together and that is a need! And yet harder because we will not have enough to meet our other needs like food, tuition fees, utility bills and so on.
The reality is that we need money in order to move.
RAY OF LIGHT
We have decided that we are only going to work in Manila until the end of this year, latest January then we go back home to our kids. Though less than two years, that’s already a lot of time away from our kids.
We do not want our kids to get used to us leaving them or us being away from them.
It breaks our hearts seeing their small hearts break whenever we leave. It also hurts that every time we go home to them, they have learned a new skill like to read short words or write their complete name or comb their hair or put on their own clothes. The sad part is that we were not there to teach them to do those.
It is also painful that each time we see them they have become older, taller and more beautiful. But those are things we have to live with in exchange for that opportunity to secure our future as a family.
GRATEFULNESS TO THE SACRIFICE
We are very much grateful that we have a very understanding and selfless mother and brother who are willing to take care of our kids for us so we can earn.
They too have sacrificed their time in order to give way for us.
We will make sure that what we all gave up: time, opportunity, comfort will be worth it.
We, as parents are doing our best to save as much as we can for us to be able to start our own business at home so we can be with our loved ones while earning.
IN THE SAME BOAT
Some of you will say that we are still blessed because we do not have to go abroad to meet our children’s needs and you’re partly right.
Abroad or not, parents like us who have to work away from our families, our kids and our loved ones who are taking care of them still face and sacrifice the same things.
REALIZATIONS
We have learned to enjoy our kids while they are still young and eager to be with us.
We have realized that nothing beats a noisy house with laughing kids than a quiet room.
We strive harder to be more patient with them during their whining and tantrum moments.
We learned to appreciate each phone call where we get to hear their voice telling us about their day.
Hopefully, by God’s grace, we really get to be with our daughters by next year living and taking care of them as per His design.
I believe that there are also parents like us missing their kids very much.
How do you deal with times when you miss your kids more than usual? What are your realizations about living away from your loved ones? For all of us who are in the same boat, let’s keep believing the Lord has a better plan for all of us and that we will get to be with our kids soon, for good.